Epitaphs !!

17.04.2010 The world ended with 2012 prophecies pre-poned and whole world dead. Only one man survived and he wrote epitaphs on graves of some celebrities. He wrote whatever he could remember about them. Some probable ones can be:

Kareena Kapoor -- From Size zero to ground zero

Shashi tharoor -- He came, He tweeted, He went !!

Baba Ramdev -- There's a life beyond yoga

Rakhi Sawant -- Chosen one for item numbers..in heaven too

Sharad Pawar -- Here lies the sugar king !!

Tiger Woods -- Believe it..There are none buried with me

Aamir Khan -- He just 'forgot' u need to breathe to live !!

Vivek Oberoi aka Prince -- Its Deathtime !!

Himesh Reshammiya -- oooooooooooo..these were his last words!!

Abhishek Bachchan -- Keep SMSing me on 959493929191 till your oongli hurts !!

Ganguly -- Korbo Ladbo Haarbo..Mission accomplished

Dino Morea -- Who's he ??

I know ..the list can be long and endless :)

The year in transition !!

Its been some real work @ office out there post october which has meant that my blog seems more of quarterly newsletter(going by frequency of posts!!). The year gone by has been quite an eventful one with life moving from talks of Oh-my-God-recession to where's recession ?. Just @ year end, some Idiots have turned out to be highest grossers in Bollywood. But what's interesting is the new war of words between almost famous Chetan Babu and media's designated perfectionist Amir Khan. Our FPS Chetan is unhappy with the font size of his name in movie credits which he expected to be in extra large font. Chetan may be forced to sing the 'adapted' song from the film...

Give me some credit
Give me some gain
Give me more royalty
Or I'll go to media once again

Wat did Amir say in reply -- Na na na....Na na na..Na na nana na.. :)

We all know of our Bwood's unashamed copying passed of as inspiration without giving credit where it's due; only diference being this time the 'copy' has raked in unprecedented moolah.

Anyway, leave Idiots to their idiosyncracies. We have more pertinent questions for 2010, the answers of which are tough to predict: --

1. Will Shashi Tharoor's tweeting continue or will be banned by an ordinance?
2. How many states will India have by the end of 2010?
3. What would be the estimated total expenses on Kasab's food this year?
4. How many blasts are expected to occur till 2010 end?
5. With food costlier & talk cheaper, will we continue with 'Eat less, Talk more' policy?
6. Who'll deliver a hit first - Fardeen, Himesh or Hurman (I guess everyone knows the answer)...seems question itself is wrong. It must be 'whether they'll deliver a hit ever?'
7. How many more mistresses are expected out of 'Woods' by year end?
8. Which will rise more...sensex or price of sugar?

Keeep guessing folks .....

When to switch off the Television !!

Apart from all the business gyaan, flicks and sports which make TV worth watching, there are times in Indian Television when one would prefer to switch it off. So, without second thoughts, I'll switch off the television :

When the film is a multistarrer but the lead actor turns out to be ...........Ravi Kishen

When the song on top of chart is from the movie..........'Radio'

When Salman Khan is 'wanted' not for acting but.........dancing

When every next show is billed as the.......'meanest show ever'

When the next much awaited coming soon show is..........'Rakhi ka Divorce'

When the movie coming up is the comeback flim of.........Dino morea

When the leading news channel of the decade award is given to......India TV

When the next reality show is named.....LGBTs Up, Close and personal

When the talk show is hosted by Barkha dutt where the only person talking is.......herself

When the politician of the year 2009 award goes posthumously to........Mohd. Ali Jinnah

When the host of biggest 'talent' hunt show is......Suneil Shettty (No spelling mistakes here!!)

and certainly when...

Akshay Kumar promises on any game show to give free DVDs of 'Chandni Chowk to China' .

They too are back !!

With re-covery pronounced a certainty and erstwhile hidden gang of analysts & technical chartists re-grabbing max space on business channels, its time to again re-listen to some their patent lines:

1. 'If Nifty holds up xxxx level, then yy stock can go upto zz level' --- It is assumed that investor will overlook 'if' condition and concentrate to returns from 'then'.

2. 'Momentum can take xx stock to yy level' --- Who's this 'momentum' is rarely understood but is considered strong enuf for the job.

3. 'Buy x stock at y price with a stop loss at z level' -- Rest assured that stop loss would get triggered the same day when u buy at the recommended price.

4. 'As of now we have no holdings in the stock' --- The most important line is said in the last in the softest tone and in shortest possible time.

Finally, can't help but remember The Devil's dictionary at this point which aptly described analysts recommendations:

Strong Buy --- Buy
Buy --- Hold
Hold --- Sell
Sell --- It's too late :)

Humour on Net

One of the frequent circulated mails about 'A COWSMIC VIEW OF WORLD'...Posting it here for those still missing this wonderful piece..

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.