Yes again, CWG !!

It would be blasphemous to blog abt anything other than Commonwealth games...Indian officials have succeeded in fooling our colonial rulers leaving them scampering for cover....Now, we in India can either pray like Mani Shankar Aiyar that CWG ends up a disaster else Kalmadi would bid for Olympics next OR pray like an eternal optimist patriotic Indian that 'all izz well' and we'll do it Somehow-in-Time(remember that's SHIT)!!.

Since ages, we've all been brought up on staple diet of 'thoda adjust kar lijiye' or 'chalta hai' type statements and been fed with rationale for everything :

If roads have potholes then drive slow..it anyway prevents accidents,

If u r tired of traffic jams wake up and leave for office early..its anyway gud to wake up early,

If u don't get parking then who asked to buy a sedan u shud have purchased some smallcar/hatchback..it anyway gives gud mileage,

If u find public transport crowded or tiring then go buy a car..car is anyway middle class dream, If u don't get good water supply go buy a 20-litre Bisleri everyweek..its anyway gud to be safe than sorry later,

If u don't get good job go give some hefty bribe...if u won't someone else wud give,

If u don't get 24/7 electricity go and ask for a load shedding schedule that wud bring down shock value

If u die in a terrorist strike don't be too sad..its anyway all pre-decided by god when one has to leave this world...the list is endless. This magnifies our successive government's apathy towards its basic responsibilities towards its people. Thanks to media, we can now ask questions.

We(that includes me ) too are generally reactive rather than proactive in life reacting decisively only when pushed to the brink or something affects us too not only others...and this holds true even for our government. Analogically, the only way out of all this mess is some real shocking accident with some big politician or elite class happening every quarter in a year. Consider this..Terrorist strike at Hotel Taj was only incident successful in somewat waking up government when it had forgotten all about earlier blasts at Mumbai, Delhi, Jaipur, Varanasi, Assam....Only a stone pelting frenzy was able to wake up centre and the flamboyant weakling Umar abdullah about real problems in Kashmir...Only an 11 day event can force govt into understanding and doing something what people have been asking for decades - a good infrastructure...Only a clutch of farmers violent strike at was able to wake up UP govt. and bring a new Land acquisition Act...So increasingly it seems going big, shocking, violent or even international is the only way out..

Still, I have a light heart for most things. Here are some headlines which I would love to see pre or post CWG :

• Rahul Gandhi's convoy falls into a large crater at posh delhi road. He's still untraceable. Municipal authorities suspect his car may have gone down the drain, literally.
• Ceiling falls on foreign spectators head but no one was hurt because luckily, the quality of tiles were very poor. Organizers have got atleast something right !!
• Kalmadi is lynched by a mob of foreign athletes. He's recuperating at nearby hospital after the crowd left him in a pool of blood. He was taken to hospital by his friend M.S. Gill.
• Mike Fennel and Cooper have been found absconding. All the 9000 rooms in commonwealth village are being searched extensively.
• Arindam Chaudhuri just released his book titled 'Dare to think beyond Cricket'
• Salman Khan has said in a recent interview with leading channel that 'Kalmadi is the real Dabangg'
• Leading corporates have complained to the PMO that CWG organizers are illegally using their names as sponsors of the event though they have pulled out and not even paid any money to the organizers.
• Many athletes had to be hospitalized after watching late night movies on LCDs in their rooms. Sources say movie CDs kept in rooms were of 'Rok sako toh rok lo', 'Kambakht Ishq', Chandni chowk to China, Veer, and also higly misleading named 'Housefull'..

I'll wind up with an interesting breaking news that's flashing live infront of me on Zee TV...250 dogs caught in Khelgaon in 3 days !!

Obituary for Team India !!

From a deeply hurt cricket fan :

Gambhir can't play when Sehwag is away

Dhoni keeps losing his Maxx, with batting getting increasingly lax

When the match is a do-or-die type, Raina shows he's all hype

Murli doesn't remember a single shot, mayb Indies for him is just a picnic spot

Pathan knows no place, when there's only bounce and pace

Zaheer bowls just ordinary when the match is extraordinary

Yuvraj has lost it all he had in him, may be its deepika, aanchal or Kim

Nehra bowls his heart out, but can't get most batsmen out

Harbhajan is no more a match winner, has even forgotten he's an off spinner

Jadeja is a mere pedestrian, and who the hell took him to Carribean

P Kumar left the ship even before it sank, happy in meerut saying God 'Thanx'

Vinay Kumar and Chawla seem happy with no game, else they'd have to take all the blame

May be all the players need some rest, that's the solution which seems best

Cancel all their booked return tickets, make them write a paper on West indian wickets

Hope sanity prevails soon in Indian cricket soon. Amen !!

Epitaphs !!

17.04.2010 The world ended with 2012 prophecies pre-poned and whole world dead. Only one man survived and he wrote epitaphs on graves of some celebrities. He wrote whatever he could remember about them. Some probable ones can be:

Kareena Kapoor -- From Size zero to ground zero

Shashi tharoor -- He came, He tweeted, He went !!

Baba Ramdev -- There's a life beyond yoga

Rakhi Sawant -- Chosen one for item numbers..in heaven too

Sharad Pawar -- Here lies the sugar king !!

Tiger Woods -- Believe it..There are none buried with me

Aamir Khan -- He just 'forgot' u need to breathe to live !!

Vivek Oberoi aka Prince -- Its Deathtime !!

Himesh Reshammiya -- oooooooooooo..these were his last words!!

Abhishek Bachchan -- Keep SMSing me on 959493929191 till your oongli hurts !!

Ganguly -- Korbo Ladbo Haarbo..Mission accomplished

Dino Morea -- Who's he ??

I know ..the list can be long and endless :)

The 'S' word

Quite sometime since the last post...Yes been busy with few things i'm paid for..One among the MBA crop harvested in recessionary 2009, first year in job has seen X questions(0 < X < infinity) and Y answers where,

Y=1 (If the question is like Where did u do your MBA from?..can't be wrong on this one)

1 < Y < 50 (If the question is like Which sector would u like to bet money on?..its pure guess just make it believable with gyan from a research report)

Y tends to infinity (If the question is like What do want from your life, buddy?)

There are no right or wrong or single answer for anything...even numerical financial ratios have been corrupted by adjustments to make arriving at single answer difficult...Feel as an MBA you've been primarily hired to :

1. make a choice among the plethora of options because no one around you has any idea,
2. then rationalize it through a ppt or report and

3. finally be ready to take complete blame if it doesn't turn out to be right..

In the end its all about following and backing up your instincts

It becomes more perplexing when you realize the significance of S-word in job..Either you Struggle for Success, or Surrender for Survival, and when you get neither, best way out is to just Switch..Certainly, With no answers you go to Sleep.

'S'ave is another buzzword being prefixed to all and sundry.. Save tiger, Save paper, Save trees, Save water, Save girl child, Save planet, Save electricity, Save tribals,Save whatever you've got, Just Save....not to forget we are born savers ('S'avings rate > 37%). We haven't enjoyed the fruits of 24hr electricity and the world asks us to celebrate Earth hour. We don't get 24hr water supply and we are supposed to save it everyday..all in the name of climate change or global warming or some treaty..man those are basic amenities for life not some luxury that must be renounced...Not to mean living a reckless lifestyle but fruits of development are never built on Savings but Investments.

Another S-laced news making waves is our Sania-Shoaib drama. Enough news has been hammered onto general public as if the event has potential to bring abt Indo-Pak war in future..But it wud be better to perform the marriage at Wagah border to promote love and harmony among two long warring nations..I know its personal life but its anyone's guess that choosing someone from across the border ignoring complete 15% of Indian population seems too dumb to assume its only love.. Poor Sohrab another S-worded fellow..But certainly a well thought of choice to mitigate risks of losing form in either game of balls -- Cricket or Tennis..

Have some more thoughts to put through but the f-word also requires attention..'F'inance because my 'S'alary depends on it :)

My Name is Karthik !!

My Name is Karthik (not Khan) and I am not autistic (but Schizophrenic) !! Yes Farhan joins the bandwagon of disorder-inspired movies after dyslexia(TZP), autism(MNIK) and Progeria(Paaaaaa...yes it was that long). Karthik calling Karthik(KCK) is surely a one time must watch as it keeps one interested for most part with taut screenplay, lead pair chemistry, some cheeky one-liners and good music. The movie though is not a mainstream one but 'thinking' type and falters somewhere in 2nd half with a needless song forgetting we audience were already earlier forcefully subjected to one completely involuntary song from desi 'Prince' even before KCK began. Anyway for me it feels good to be back on track watching first day last show again after some weeks.

The week gone by had its own moments. Sachin's 2-Tonner was the best this week offered. Meanwhile, our Home Minister Chidu is still busy with Naxalites deciding over what mode of communication must be used for talks !! No telephone calls but fax is preferred; wat about video conferencing or internet chat with Kishenji. If 3G had been auctioned as per schedule, video chat might be even better !! Its clear there's little hope of any concrete action.

Parliament session has seen a vociferous, united opposition who have only recently realised that price rise can also be raised as an issue. Conferring Sharad Pawar with title of 'Sugar King' was the highpoint. Amid all this, Dada and Didi both presented their decent budgets.

Our Madhuri Fida Hussain has now finally found his real country of residence Qatar. He's suited for that place where he'll never even dare to paint anything offending to Islam. Finding India free enuf that @@#@$ felt it was easy to gain publicity painting Hindu Gods in objectionable poses. Good to see scrap and garbage being dumped elsewhere without incurring any anti-dumping duty.

Time for some color.. Holi has arrived..Its loved not only by Gabbar but all who like being colored..Long weekend - an opportunity to fly back home for some masti.

The T company !!

One of the first occasions it feels Mumbai has really decayed. Being a religious friday movie goer from past 5 years, I would be denied opportunity this time. Thanks to the 'T'company which has taken up the mantle from 'D' company to terrorise Mumbai. Another instance in Indian politics where the Congress is again facing a monster of its own creation. Having treated SS with kid gloves since decades, it itself is now helpless at the hands of grown up Tiger. Hope the ringmaster wakes up to its duties towards 'common man' this time just like it did for Rahul Baba.

On a lighter note, re-releasing the movie as 'My Name is Thackeray' or fasting tomorrow for 'Shiv'ratri may help. Else Arshad Warsi or Naavi's would be happier for longer time with their extended runs. Also, RGV has got a 'hit' plot for his next 'flop' movie. Another breed of beneficiaries would be Valentine couples in Mumbai where the guys would be relieved that they'll save on huge cash outflow that they were expecting this weekend. They might better invest the saved money in a life insurance plan to help against any damage from SS/MNS in future.

Better we have Maha Shivratri tomorrow, one of the grand occasion for devotees of Lord Shiva. Preparations seem to be on arnd here and would go all through the night for tomorrow's puja. The significance of this day is highlighted through various stories from Samudra Manthan, Taandav Nritya, legend of Lubdhak to others about why Ketki flower isn't offered to Lord Shiva.

Still..but..however...though...i don't have an off tomorrow !!

6 hours of law and order

Rahul baba must come here Mumbai daily. Atleast, we'll get to see government doing what its meant for. We can see what a government can do when it realizes its responsibilities, though here it was more abt realization of opportunity to impress Gandhi family. Still relieved to see government at some work where for a change the hooligans were helpless in Mumbai. Hope everyone gets to have a safe city life. My request - please stop using name of Gods in all misguided organizations whether Bajrang Dal or Shiv Sena. Or else for safe city life there are better ways:

1. Offer VRS(Voluntary Recreation Scheme) or lifetime vacation package to thackeray family (MNS members also admissible)
2. Deport en masse every known surviving Shiv Sainik anywhere in India to an undisclosed place
3. Station every thackeray supporter in Siachen..they call themselves sainiks of Shiv..that job would lend true meaning to their name.
4. Take young Sainiks secretly to clubs/bars..they may realize there r better ways for timepass than disrupting Mumbaikars already disruptive life
5. Give them ESOPs of Top 10 Nifty companies at zero cost..money sometime works
6. Organize a talent hunt open to only ShivSena members.

As For Shahrukh, heard today that apne 'Karan Arjun' dono saath aa gaye after Sallu supported our King khan against Sena diktat. Entertainment and sports anyway must be kept separate from politics. Talk about sports and what a sight we had with Afridi prefering to bite balls rather than bite dust again at the hands of Aussies. IPL franchisees may be feeling right about their decision. Lots more happened in the past few days...but more on that next weekend